Robert Francisco

Peggy Johnson Francisco

Memorial Service
Friday, September 20, 2008

Music : Yesterday by Paul McCartney

Welcome and Thank you for coming (Robert)

It has been said that when someone leaves the physical plain, God sends two angels. One to carry the soul forward while the other remains with the mourners. I certainly hope that is true, because I could use some help up here.

It is also said that “At the end of life, our questions are very simple: Did I live fully? Did I love well? All of us here who knew Peggy Johnson Francisco know the answer to those questions: Yes, she lived fully and yes she most certainly loved well.

Before we get started I want to let you know that if you any complaints about the music, the flower arraignments, or this beautiful church you need to take those up with my mother as this was all her idea…insistence actually

Seriously, on behalf of my sister Sheri who lost her best friend, my father whose life partner of nearly half a century is no longer hear to comfort him during and beyond this difficult time, and our entire family it is an extreme honor and an incredible privilege to be standing in front of you, while trying to somehow mourn and celebrate the life of a woman we all loved so deeply. For those of you who do not know me, I am Robert Francisco, and the son of the women we celebrate today. I want to thank each and every one of you for the support you have offered our family and I want to thank you for “showing up”. You see, our family has come to understand from our mother’s example that “showing up” is the greatest gift you can give in times like these

Over a hundred years ago, when asked to speak at a loved one memorial service renowned orators choose his words carefully and kept them brief. While I am certainly not an orator and will certainly not do them justice, the approach and the words seem fitting nonetheless. Here is what he said:

Before the sublime mystery of life and spirit, the mystery of infinite space and endless time, we stand in reverent awe….This much we know: we are at least one phase of the immortality of life. The mighty stream of life flows on, and, in this mighty stream, we too flow on…not lost…but each eternally significant. For this I feel: The spirit never betrays the person who trusts it. Physical life may be defeated but life goes on; character survives, goodness lives and love is immortal.

• We would like to acknowledge those in attendance with us today

Dad
My sister Sheri and her partner Cathy
Mom’s sisters: Bonna, Anita and Anita’s husband JB
Grandson Christopher and his wife Korbi
Brody…not here but who you will all meet later at reception & soon to be Wyatt
Grandson Ryan
Gary Francisco and his wife Maryann: Gary was my dad’s best man at his wedding 48 years ago.
Members of groups mom belonged to including: Red Hat, & Bunco,
Volunteer organizations where she served: Kiwanis Club, PCTA
friends

• We would also like to thank

Church- Estelle who helped make this possible, mom painted the downstairs
Doug who made the lovely video we will see later
Our dear family friend Delphine, who is a friend first and an oncologist second. Your help and support is so appreciated. And,
my dear friend Renee who lost her mom 4 days before I lost my mom- thank you for being here.

• While mom likely never read these words I am certain they capture here sentiment:

Do not stand on my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond’s glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

• Remembrance (Jackie)

TO MY DEAREST FRIEND PEGGY: You are gone, dear friend and I sorely miss you. I have never had such a friend as you in my entire 62 years. We were two of a kind. I remember that we first met when I transferred to a new job in Sacramento. You and I became instant friends. That was in April of 1996. We did everything together, shopping, eating, laughing, and sharing our stories of our lives. How surprised we were when our husbands also hit it off and became best friends also. They had common interests in motorcycling and home projects and we all loved camping, eating out, and taking rides. Your family took Dan and I in like we were part of the family and my kids always called you Aunt Peggy. My sister Gail and I considered you our sister. The three of us had certain traditions such as the Christmas peddler’s fair in Folsom. We would start out very early in the morning. Several times my daughter Danielle joined us. Our first stop in the last several years was a tea shop that we loved. Over a pot of tea and a scone or muffin, we would plan our day and warm up before we set out shopping all of the crafts booths. Around lunchtime we would stop shopping and head for Hop Sing’s for our favorite dish, the Wor Won Ton Mein Soup. Several times over the last few years, we were joined by our old work friends; Patti, Carol, Karen, and Mary Lee. Our day continued with finishing out the craft fair and then on to the stores for Christmas shopping. Last year was the first year you missed in 11 years, and this will be your second. Dan and I will always remember the year the four of us (Dan and I, you and Bob) camped our way through Nevada, Arizona, and New Mexico on our way to Carlsbad Caverns. You always said it was one of your favorite trips and it definitely was one of ours. I’ll never forget our last camping trip together this last May. We had snow and rain, but sat outside anyway underneath an awning. When the weather cleared, you and your family all played horseshoes. I could hardly believe my eyes. There you were throwing that horseshoe like a pro even though you were so ill. You wanted to live what life you had left to the fullest and I think you definitely accomplished that. As I always told you, “you were my hero”. You had such strength and determination. Peggy, you were such a unique person. It always amazed me how many good friends you had. I think all of us felt like you were our best friend. You just had a way of making all of us feel special. I felt so honored to be one of your friends. Many of your special friends are here today. Carletta whom you’ve known for over 40 years; Bess; Mary Lee, Judy, Selma, Mary Jo and many, many others. Some of those attending are people you worked with over the years and some from the neighborhoods you’ve lived in. Many are just special friends you’ve made over the years. Peggy,you moved to Sun City in order to take advantage of the many organizations that are out here; however, because of you, I joined two Bunco groups and a Red Hat group (the Scarlet Butterflies). You tried to get me to join Kiwanis, but when you told me the meetings began at 7:00 a.m., I said, “nope, not me.” I’m definitely not an early morning person. Today, in your honor, many of your Bunco, Red Hat, and Kiwanis friends are here, paying their respect to a most wonderful and incredible person. Even after you got ill with the breast cancer, you still manned the Kiwanis candy booth, and last year you helped with the Kiwanis Christmas homes tours. I loved you like a sister, Peggy. You and I had such a connection. We often finished each other’s sentences. I would call to see if you wanted to go to lunch or dinner and most times you were just about to call me and ask the same thing. We thought so much alike. When I would call and Bob would answer, he would tell you it was your “crime partner” on the phone. We sure spent a lot of money and bought a lot of lovely things, didn’t we? I never thought I would ever find someone who liked to shop the same way I did, go to lots and lots of stores looking for the best bargain, often going back to the first store weeks later, and often to the same store more than once. You were such an incredible decorator. I still remember when you came to my house for the first time and said that I was such a good decorator and that you wished you had the knack. Well, my dear, you did! Boy did you! I loved coming to your house. It was like going to a model home and antique shop all in one. My favorite room was always your antique room. All of your friends who came to visit always commented on how lovely your home was. And of course, your garage. I don’t think I’ve ever known someone who decorated a garage. It was lovely. Your cats and Boo drove you crazy, but you loved them so much anyway. You couldn’t imagine not having them, hair, throw up, howling, and all. And they adored you. And finally, your family. Your family meant everything to you. You worried about them, praised them, and loved them unconditionally. You and Bob always amazed us with how much you were willing to do for your kids and grandkids. When little Brody came along, you immediately volunteered to watch him for Chris and Korby. Whenever we shopped, you always headed to the baby department and bought something for your precious great grandson. He was such a blessing and joy for you. I know you wanted desperately to be around for the new baby, but God had other plans. Farewell my dearest friend. I love you. You will be missed and remembered always.

• Gary Lee – Poem: “The Song of the River” (William R. Hearst)

The snow melts on the mountain And the water runs down to the spring,
And the spring in a turbulent fountain, With a song of youth to sing,
Runs down to the riotous river, And the river flows to the sea,
And the water again Goes back in rain To the hills where it used to be.
o And I wonder if life’s deep mystery Isn’t much like the rain and the snow
Returning through all eternity To places it used to know.
For life was born in the lofty heights And flows in a laughing stream,
To the river below Whose onward flow Ends in a peaceful dream.
And so at last, When our life has passed And the river has run its course,
It again goes back O’er the selfsame track,
To the mountain which was its source.
So why clutch life, Or why fear death, Or dread what is to be?
The river ran Its allotted span Till it reached the silent sea.
Then the water harked back To the mountain-top
To begin its course once more. So we shall run The course begun
Till we reach the silent shore.
Then revisit earth In a pure rebirth From the heart of the virgin snow.
So don’t ask why We live or die, Or whither, or when we go;
Or struggle with the mysteries of life That only God may know.

• Eulogy (Robert)

Today is a difficult day, yet mom would be the first to tell us: we will most certainly have better days going forward. And while we need to honor the past we most certainly need to focus on moving beyond our current suffering. In that spirit, I would offer that while we are here to mourn the loss of a friend, a sister, a mother, a grandmother, a great grandmother, and a wife of 48 years, we are also and perhaps more appropriately, here to celebrate the life of a truly remarkable human who touched us all. And we are here to support each other; to share tears of grief in our loss and tears of joy in having known the girl from Joplin Missouri.

I know that is what she would want; she would want us to keep moving forward, to keep showing up, and to keep doing our best – I am trying right now MOM! How do I know this? I know this because that was the prevailing pattern of her life; one she followed diligently and encouraged each of us to follow as well. I will never forget the day when I found out that mom had been diagnosed with Cancer. I was attempting to walk from Mexico to Canada along the Pacific Crest Trail – trying to complete something that was important to me and in hindsight also import to her; it was important to her for a simple reason – it was important to me. She was like that; thinking of others first. Upon hearing the news, I immediately started to make plans to cancel my hike and head home – seconds later I heard dad say: “oh yea before you start thinking about quitting and coming home I have a message from your mother: Do NOT quit, do not come home, there is nothing you can do here and you MUST keep walking forward. So I did not quit and yet for weeks I questioned my decision, questioned my selfishness, my priorities – only to discover that I did not need to come home because as sick as she was she was planning on and did come to meet me several times during that long walk north; to offer encouragement and support me. That was mom, always supporting us-regardless of the pursuit or the outcome. Recently I gave a presentation on that trip and someone asked “with all of the challenges you faced, why did you keep going?” Now I have been asked that question probably fifty times before and always provided an answer that while plausible sounded half sincere for I did not know the true answer. Today I do know the anwwer, I kept going because that is who I am, that is the man my mom raised, the family she raised, that is what she would do, and that is what she would want all of us to do now as well…..keep walking forward.

For those of us who watched her fight this disease over the last several years we know that is EXACTLY what she did; she kept going, kept moving forward. When I asked her recently how she was doing she responded instantly with “besides a dozen brain tumors I am doing great and looking forward to getting beyond this current setback”. And you know what? When I recently captured those words on these pages a smiled crossed my face as I realized she has done exactly that; she has moved beyond this current setback.

Mom learned those lessons at a young age; she was the big sister and started raising children long before she had her own. While crossing the U.S. in a Packard or Nash station wagon (no one can remember) along with her parents and eight brothers and sisters she took care of her baby sisters that are here with us today. Times were hard then, really hard; not like a drop in financial markets, but a time when food was truly scarce for this family, when sleeping in a ditch beside the road was the norm. But the family made it to California, through hard work and support of each other…. they kept moving forward.

A few weeks ago many of the family here went to the State Fair together. It was strange not having mom with us…she always showed up but simply could not make it this time. While she was lying in bed we were partaking in everything deep fried….she would have loved that….the food of her “people” from Missouri to Oklahoma. So to remind us of her being with us we all put cholesterol and body mass indexes aside as we progressed from BBQ corn, with butter naturally, to corn dogs on a stick, to frozen bananas just like we used to get with mom and dad at Newport pier, followed by deep fried artichoke hearts and zucchini, and a round of ice cream. On the way home we finished the night with a dozen bacon cheese burgers. Comfort eating? Bad for us? You bet but again we knew that moving forward was what we were supposed to be doing, and this family outing without mom was a small step in that direction. Today we are taking another step, a bigger step. We have all showed up and we are all moving forward. Moving forward without mom being physically present in our daily lives for the first time…. but moving forward with her ever presence within us. And yes, we had fried chicken, mashed potatoes, biscuits and Apple pie for dinner last night…life is good and life goes on.

On the way to the fair before we picked up the rest of our clan, including mom’s great-grandson Brody who has been the absolute joy of her last year, I told Sheri and Cathy that I was trying to write a few things down that may be worth saying at this memorial service and asked them to give some thought to a happy memory they would like to share. Without hesitation they both blurted out “Disneyland”. Disneyland? What about Disneyland as I had never heard of or more likely never truly listened to these wonderful stories? “What about Disneyland, they exclaimed, well everything…..it is the happiest place on earth! The stories began to flow: Do you remember when we called her with no notice and said we were going and she asked what time are you picking me up? To the stories of this less than physically active women who would run from ride to ride to pick up quick passes so they could get more thrills and laughs in a single day; To going for new years in the freezing cold and rain and having mom donning a garbage bag to protect her from the rides icy water spray. To piling way to many people into the girls motor home for a “road trip” to see Mickie and Minny Mouse, to once again drive Mr. Toads wild cars through hair pin turns, and most certainly hear “it’s a small world after all” contrasted with “yo ho yo ho a pirates life for me”. And the snoring! What snoring-where I asked? Her snoring, everywhere we went they exclaimed….it was insufferable. To the time she was sleeping on the dinette and Ryan (her grandson) was sleeping on the floor below her, Chris and Korbi in the overhead bed, Sheri and Cathy in the back (that is what our family does- stays close and everyone is always welcome); anyway apparently they all had had WAY too much to drink, mom was snoring like the 7 dwarfs and Ryan was trying to figure out how to escape so he could throw-up….he did not make it, and as the story goes everyone, except mom, was now awake, feeling absolutely awful and considering getting sick themselves (to show support for Ryan naturally), when the snoring suddenly stops and mother looks down at Ryan and exclaims “That can’t be good” and promptly started snoring heavily again. Yea, we would love to hear that insufferable snoring again.

Two weeks ago Korbi had her baby shower for Wyatt Elliott Brizendine who is due on the 29th of October, but by the looks of Korbi, Wyatt could show up any moment now. Mom was so looking forward to this party and we were all so sad when days before the party she started fading and slept nearly full time. But when she did wake up, she would ask what day it was and when was the party, only to fade back to sleep. Then miraculously the day of the party she woke up and stayed awake for several days afterwards; she had been saving her strength so she could show-up one more time. To be with and lead her family, as so many strong and wonderful women had done before her.

While talking to Sheri the other day, she said she did not know what she was going to do without her best friend-her mom. I expressed to her the idea that she was going to take over where mom left off; she is our new family Matriarch. She said she did not want the job, but we all know that while it is not a job she EVER wanted, it is a job that she will do well….her mom would want her to, needs her to.

As you came in today you likely noticed that the flower arraignments are very simple. 12 roses; 11 yellow and 1 red. The significance you may wonder? This is what mom wanted. She loved roses and she wanted us to all have a symbolic remembrance of the single red rose that represented her life’s true love -my dad…Bob Francisco. From a 1955 T-bird (which she never forgave him for selling by the way) with Frankie Avalon singing Venus in the background they fell in love. And like the song requested, the goddess Venus delivered a woman to my father that was the human equivalent of the goddess of love, beauty, and fertility:
Venus, make her fair
A lovely girl with sunlight in her hair
And take the brightest stars up in the skies
And place them in her eyes for me

That T-bird ultimately became a motorcycle and 100,000 miles later my folks along with Bob and Mary Lee King had road all around the western United States and Canada. Mom always described these years as some of the best of her life. Funny how she never said that about when Sheri and I were living at home 

Dad’s riding a new bike now (two of them actually), and when his buddy Dan asked if going for a ride tomorrow morning (Sunday) was too soon, Dad answered with a question: We should probably wait at least few days right? Not in moms’ play book dad….remember and cherish the past but always keep moving forward.

• Video

• I have a message to all of you from my Mom:

Remember Me:
To the living, I am gone.
To the sorrowful, I will never return.
To the angry, I was cheated,
But to the happy, I am at peace,
And to the faithful, I have never left.
I cannot be seen, but I can be heard.
So as you stand upon a shore, gazing at a beautiful sea – remember me.
As you look in awe at a mighty forest and its grand majesty – remember me.
As you look upon a flower and admire its simplicity – remember me.
Remember me in your heart, your thoughts, and your memories of the times we loved, the times we cried, the times we fought, the times we laughed.
For if you always think of me, I will have never gone

• Reception at Bob Francisco home

I am hopeful that most of you will be able to join us back at my Father’s house after this service. If you do you will be in for an interesting and eclectic bit of music that many of us were subjected to over the years. You see, mom liked musicals and when she saw one she liked she bought the music and played it over and over again; be it Paint your Wagon, Jesus Christ Superstar, the Phantom of the Opera, Les Miserables, Fiddler on the roof, Oklahoma, the Sound of music, or her all time favorite Cats we learned them all. Up until just weeks ago, Mom dreamed about and talked about going to New York; to see a play on Broadway. When we were sharing memories this week everyone realized how we now loved those songs as well. And thinking back on it now, I realize that when I saw Cats on Broadway in New York it was not a circumstance of chance. Thank you again for coming: here is Memories from the original Broadway production of Cats:

• Music: Memories (Cats)